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Crying in H Mart

Michelle Zauner

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Written by Michelle Zauner, more famously known under her musical moniker, Japanese Breakfast; Crying in H Mart is an autobiography that details her life, her mother’s cancer diagnosis, and dealing with grief with an emphasis on the solace and comfort of Korean food and cooking

Book Summary

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https://lifestyle.inquirer.net/468892/how-michelle-zauners-crying-in-h-mart-helped-me-learn-to-embrace-grief/

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Through the lens of this book, this section will explore the sociological concept of Spaces of Belonging and how they serve Asian American families and individuals

  • The linguistic and cultural adaptation process in which immigrants acquire the language and culture of the settlement society while maintaining their heritage language and cultural orientation [1]

  • “The process of socialization to and maintenance of the norms of one’s indigenous culture, including the values, ideas, and concepts that are salient to the culture” [2]

  • Intergenerational cultural dissonance is an extension of cognitive dissonance theory that focuses on the psychological tension caused by a clash between parents and children over cultural values [3]

  • The acculturation gap refers to the slower rate at which immigrant parents will adapt to mainstream cultures compared to their children [4]. It is commonly characterized by immigrant parents “adhering to their traditional cultural beliefs while their children endorse and embrace dominant Western values” [5]

Growing up in a small and predominantly white town in Oregon, Zauner describes the difficulties and isolation of being Mixed and Asian-American among her peers and community. Not only does she struggle to understand her Korean-American and half-Asian identity, but she also struggles to connect with her Korean immigrant mother. Throughout the book, she candidly writes about the trauma of feeling without a sense of belonging or understanding.

As she grows up, Zauner leaves her hometown to pursue a music career on the East Coast. But, when she was 25, she suddenly moved back to Oregon after learning that her mother had been diagnosed with stomach cancer. Her life changes as she becomes her mother’s caretaker and her relationship with and understanding of her mother transforms. While caring for her, Zauner and her mother communicate and empathize with each other in a way they never could through a key mechanism: Korean food.

However, despite this long-awaited moment to finally connect with her mother, Zauner’s mother passes - and Zauner is left to grieve. To cope with the loss of her mother, she continues to use Korean food, cooking, and grocery shopping to reflect on her memories of her mother and connect with her Korean culture. Through this process, she begins to forgive her mother and herself and redefine her cultural identity.

“My mother had struggled to understand me just as I struggled to understand her. Thrown as we were on opposite sides of a fault line—generational, cultural, linguistic—we wandered lost without a reference point, each of us unintelligible to the other’s expectations”

Excerpt from Crying in H Mart [6]

Where Are You Really From?

Norman Chen and Niala Boodhoo of AXIOS discussing the 2023 STAATUS results on Asian Americans’ feelings of belonging [7]

Photos from Andrew Kung’s “Perpetual Foreigner” series [5]

Despite a vast history of immigration and occupation in the United States, Asian Americans have continuously been marginalized and excluded from the “American” narrative and identity [7]. Compounding systemic oppression and racism have formed a normative experience of Asian Americans being seen and stereotyped as “perpetual foreigners” [8], regardless of their citizenship or generational history in America [9]

It is this stereotype which inspired Chinese American photographer, Andrew Kung’s collection: “Perpetual Foreigner”. Through a series of photos, Kung captured Asian Americans in “everyday American spaces” such as beaches and parks as well as doing “American” activities such as playing football. Kung intended these photos to challenge the idea that Asian Americans do not belong in these places and to illustrate that Asian Americans are equally entitled to claim American culture and spaces.

The ideologies behind the “perpetual foreigner” stereotype often inspires White Americans to ask Asian Americans the infamous question: “Where Are You Really From?”

Indian-American comedian Hari Kodabolu starts his set by describing an instance where he was asked this question, to which he responded with,  “Queens, New York”. But, Kodabolu acknowledges the true meaning of this question: “Why aren’t you White?”. As he explains this common shared experience, Kodabolu connects to the reality in which the “American” identity and the ability to claim their “American-ness” is largely associated with being White [10]. Regardless of his assuredness in his American identity, to this man (and likely many others), their perceptions of him are not of being an American, but an Asian man in America.

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emphasizes the harsh reality of the perpetual foreigner stereotype: that the feeling of belonging and acceptance for Asian Americans is temporary.

Without access to a feeling of belonging in America, Asian Americans have created their own spaces where communities, families, and individuals can navigate what it means to be Asian in America.

From the anti-Asian immigration policies of the 19th century to the COVID-19 pandemic, Asian Americans have long sought acceptance and belonging in America But, even though Asian and Asian American populations have grown by 88% in the last two decades [11], there is still a collective feeling among Asian Americans that they do not belong in America.

Confirming these feelings, The Asian American Foundation [12]. conducted its annual survey,  STAATUS Index, to record attitudes toward and stereotypes of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders. They reported that Asian Americans are among the least likely racial groups to feel they belong in the U.S. Following the annual report’s release, news site AXIOS sat down with Norman Chen, the CEO of The Asian American Foundation, for a podcast on which they elaborated on the findings. When asked about why Asian Americans reported the lowest self-perceptions in safety, belonging, and acceptance, Chen responded with two reasons: discrimination and a lack of role models in positions of power. Furthermore, Chen discusses how the perception of Asian individuals in America can be contingent on current events, which

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Recording of Hari Kodabolu comedy set with Comedy Central [6]

Spaces of Isolation

According to the Pew Research Center, Asian individuals make up the largest percentage of new immigrants in the United States [13]. Historically,  many of these Asian immigrants have chosen to settle in gateway cities: metropolitan regions characterized by large and densely concentrated immigrant populations [14]. The popularity of these gateway cities such as Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York City, and Houston has stimulated the development of large and prominent Asian communities and neighborhoods [15]. But migration to these cities has also sparked movement into surrounding suburbs.

In her book, Trespassers, Lung-Amam elaborates on obstacles Asian communities experience as they transition into predominantly White suburbia. Battling through racism and discrimination, Asian families eventually settled into the suburbs and transformed them into what sociologist, Wei Li coined as Ethnoburbs: suburban regions with large minority and ethnic populations [16]. Opposed to the more common experience of being different than those around them, Asians in gateway cities and ethnoburbs had the luxury and convenience of easy access to their home cultures and the opportunity to share them with others. Asian Americans in these areas felt a strong sense of community and more connection to their own and their parents’ home cultures [17]. These have become well-known as places of belonging for Asian Americans.

However, not all Asian immigrants and families locate or stay in gateway cities and ethnoburbs. In more recent years, Asian immigrants have started to settle in new regions with smaller immigrant and coethnic populations [18]. These tend to take place in different regions of the US like the Midwest or South, but also small or rural towns, and living there tends to create a different experience for Asian Americans.

Eugene, Oregon

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Zauner describes her hometown of Eugene, Oregon as “Oregon, a small college town in the Pacific Northwest”, where the “general demographic is of hippies who protest Whole Foods in favor of local co-ops, wear Birkenstocks, weave hair wraps to sell at outdoor markets, and make their own nut butter. They are men with birth names like Herb and River and women called Forest and Aurora.”. It is quickly acknowledged and known to Zauner that Asian and interracial families such as her were not the norm.

In an interview with Willamette Week, a local Oregon newspaper, Zauner speaks more personally about her upbringing and perspective of Eugene. She candidly speaks on how difficult it was to grow up as a person of color in the not-very-diverse Eugene. She wishes that the individuals she grew up around were more enthusiastic about her culture because their lack of acceptance caused her a lot of resentment toward her Korean culture. This also greatly affected her relationship with her mother who was, in sense, the only source of her Korean culture in her small, predominantly-White, and lonely town.

Video interview with local Oregon newspaper, Willamette Week and Michelle Zauner where they speak on Eugene and her music career [10]

Echoing these experiences, sociologist Emily Walton observed Asian American families in historically White and small towns. In her research, she reported a common theme of these families and individuals: feeling different. Although some of the Asian families she interviewed had been in those regions for generations, they did not feel fully accepted in their towns [19]. When battling this prejudice and perpetual foreigner stereotype, other than homes, these Asian Americans do not have spaces where they can escape the feelings of exoticness, exclusion, and loneliness. And compared to those in gateway cities or ethnoburbs, they are often left to explore their identity with little guidance, shame, and isolation.

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In a video interview with The Daily Show and Trevor Noah, Zauner expressed the role H Mart had in helping her cope with her mother’s death and reshaping her cultural identity. After her mother passed, Zauner found refuge in H Mart because it reminded her of the fond memories she shared with her Korean immigrant mother. It became a place where she could safely cope with the loss of her mother as well as preserve and reconnect with her Korean heritage. H Mart became a place of belonging for Zauner where could she repair her relationship with her mother and her cultural identity: two things she was deeply insecure about and actively rejected when she was young.

H Mart holds a remarkable place in Zauner’s grief and the formation of her Korean identity and illustrates how Asian malls and stores can reconnect Asian Americans to their home cultures and have a space of belonging in America.

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Video essay about the founding and success of H Mart grocery stores in America [15]

As explained in the video essay by Hungry History by Adjoga, what inspired the founder of H Mart, Il Yeon Kwon to create the store was the lack of authentic Asian ingredients in American stores. Without products to represent Asian cuisine, American grocery stores furthered the narrative that Asian Americans were not integrated into American society and economies. But Il Yeon Kwon saw this as an opportunity. His intention was for H Mart to be a store where Korean and other Asian immigrants could conveniently access ingredients that reminded them of the cuisine of their Asian home cultures, and beyond that, he wanted it to be a place that fostered a sense of community in America.

What started as a grocery store to help individuals connect to their home cultures became a symbol of belonging and acceptance for Asian Americans of all generations and experiences. They become places where older generations of Asian Americans can connect to the homes they left and where younger generations can learn more about their families, their culture, and themselves [29]. Whether it is an immigrant parent struggling to keep cultural practices alive among their children and themselves or a second-generation child trying to understand their cultural background, H Mart, other Asian stores, and Asian malls became spaces where Asian Americans could feel a sense of belonging in a country that excludes them.

“ So, when I go to H Mart, I’m not just on the hunt for cuttlefish and three bunches of scallions for a buck; I’m searching for memories. I’m collecting the evidence that the Korean half of my identity didn’t die when [my mom] did.”

Excerpt from Crying in H Mart

Trevor Noah interviewed Michelle Zauner about her book, her music, and her mother [14]

Eponymously mentioned in the title, H Mart is the largest Asian grocery chain in America with dozens of locations in metropolitan cities across the America. Filled with Asian food, produce, and snacks, H Mart and other Asian supermarkets are often located within Asian shopping centers or Asian malls [20].

Though the development of these plazas and centers has been met with criticism and resistance from White communities and land developers for being visually unappealing or inherently exclusive [21]; for many Asian families, “these shopping centers are critical places of identity and community . . . that connect them both to their local communities and to the Asian diaspora” [22]. These malls cater to and serve Asian communities of all ages and generations in prosocial and myriad ways, but also offer a lens to observe how Asian Americans have created spaces of belonging in America and how they relate to one’s cultural identity and formation [23]

Unlike their children, Asian immigrant parents are not forced to socialize with English and American cultural values like their children are when they attend school [24]. This lack of exposure to acculturative practices can prevent immigrant parents from acculturating at the same rate as their children and increases acculturative stress which can detriment their mental health [25] as well as increase conflicts between them and their Asian American children [26]. Additionally, the acculturation gap in their linguistic and social knowledge also limits the places where Asian immigrants can feel a sense of belonging in America [26]. To remedy these feelings of exclusion, Asian malls and stores serve as culturally familiar settings where Asian immigrants can speak freely in their native language without hesitation, surround themselves with individuals who are similar to them, and access foods that connect them to their home cultures [27]. Although Asian American children tend to be more acculturated than their parents, they still struggle to navigate and develop their cultural identity and find spaces of belonging

To many young Asian Americans, Asian malls and commercial spaces are places where they can safely socialize with their friends and culture, explore the processes of acculturation and enculturation, and strengthen their familial bonds [28].

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Finding Belonging in Food

A video collaboration between Zauner and H Mart that discuss the book, her writing process, and a chapter reading [19]

Using food to cope with the loneliness of being an immigrant, Zauner’s mother captured how food can be used to create a space of belonging. In their small town in Oregon, her mother extended this action to her. She used Korean food in their home so Zauner could explore her Korean heritage and find love in its cuisine. When her mother turned sick, Zauner returned the favor and cooked Korean meals to bring her mother comfort once again. Together, they illustrated that a love for Korean food is more than a meal, but a space to be Asian American.

Throughout her life, Zauner struggled to understand her identity as an Asian American. Battling through isolation, discrimination, and exclusion, she relied on finding and creating Spaces of Belonging where she could unapologetically be Korean American.

Not every Asian American has access to large ethnic enclaves or Asian supermarkets.

And without these formed spaces of belonging, Asian Americans in these situations are left without the formative places where they can safely or collectively experience the processes of acculturation and enculturation.

As Zauner recounts in her novel, her childhood was a time of isolation and confusion due to her hometown’s lack of accessibility to tenets of Korean culture. Not only did this prevent her from exploring her Asian American identity, but it also built the intergenerational cultural dissonance between her and her mother as well as a resentment towards her Korean heritage.

While physical places of belonging were sparse for them, Zauner and her mother were able to create their own spaces of belonging through Korean food.

As noted in the book and a video interview with H Mart, Zauner reiterates how culturally isolating her hometown of Eugene was. Growing up, Zauner mentions that she had no Asian friends, friends with immigrant parents, or a large Asian community and how it caused her to resent her Korean heritage and created insecurity in her identity - but also how it made her feel like an outsider. But as she got older and explored the art of Korean cooking, Zauner realized how food could recreate a sense of exploring your culture unapologetically, and ultimately, a sense of belonging.

Though it was not until after her death, Zauner realized that her mother also used food to find a place of belonging in America. Without a greater Korean community or the cultural and linguistic knowledge of America, Zauner’s mother had to find familiarity in America and turned to food to find it.

While Zauner had always assumed her mother’s love of Korean cooking and food as an expression of love growing up, as said in her video interview with the retailer, H Mart, Zauner realized that her mother’s passion for cooking may not have been a passion for food, “but part of her home sickness of missing her family and the country she grew up in”. Just as Zauner struggled to connect with her Korean heritage in their predominantly town, so did Zauner’s mother.

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References

  1. Zhang, X. (2021). Acculturation and Acculturation Gaps: Impacts on the Educational Involvement and Psychological Adjustment of Chinese Immigrant Parents

  2. Zhang, S., & Moradi, B. (2013). Asian American Acculturation and Enculturation: Construct Clarification and Measurement Consolidation. The Counseling Psychologist, 41(5), 750–790.

  3. Choi, Y., He, M., & Harachi, T. W. (2008). Intergenerational cultural dissonance, parent-child conflict and bonding, and youth problem behaviors among Vietnamese and Cambodian immigrant families. Journal of youth and adolescence, 37(1), 85–96.

  4. Hwang, W. C., Wood, J. J., & Fujimoto, K. (2010). Acculturative family distancing (AFD) and depression in Chinese American families. Journal of Consulting and Clinical psychology, 78(5), 655–667

  5. Choi, Y., He, M., & Harachi, T. W. (2008). Intergenerational Cultural Dissonance, Parent-Child Conflict and Bonding, and Youth Problem Behaviors among Vietnamese and Cambodian Immigrant Families. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 37(1), 85–96.

  6. Zauner, M. (2021). Crying in H Mart: a memoir. First edition. New York, Alfred A. Knopf.

  7. Lee, S. J., Park, E., & Wong, J., S. (2017) Racialization, schooling, and becoming American: Asian American experiences. Educational Studies, 53(5), 492–510.

  8. Trieu, M. M., & Lee, H. C. (2018). Asian Americans and internalized racial oppression: Identified, reproduced, and dismantled. Sociology of Race and Ethnicity, 4(1), 67-–82.

  9. Wu, F. H. (2002). Where are you really from? Asian Americans and the perpetual foreigner syndrome. Civil Rights Journal, 6(1), 14.

  10. Devos, T., & Mohamed, H. (2014). Shades of American identity: Implicit relations between ethnic and national identities. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 8(12), 739–754.

  11. Key facts about Asian Americans, a diverse and growing population (2021) https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/04/29/key-facts-about-asian-americans/

  12. Attitudes towards Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders (2023). https://www.staatus-index.org/

  13. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/08/20/key-findings-about-u-s-immigrants/

  14. Lung-Amam, W. (2023). The Not-So-New South Suburbs: Asian Immigration and the Politics of School Integration in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. RSF: The Russell Sage Foundation Journal of the Social Sciences 9(2), 55-74.

  15. Lung-Amam, W. Trespassers?: Asian Americans and the Battle for Suburbia. UC Press, 2017

  16. Li, W. (1998). Anatomy of a New Ethnic Settlement: The Chinese Ethnoburb in Los Angeles. Urban Studies, 35(3), 479–501. http://www.jstor.org/stable/43083884

  17. Skop, E., & Li, W. (2005). Asians in America’s Suburbs: Patterns and Consequences of Settlement. Geographical Review, 95(2), 167–188. http://www.jstor.org/stable/30033986

  18. Lung-Amam, W. (2023). The Not-So-New South Suburbs: Asian Immigration and the Politics of School Integration in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. RSF: The Russell Sage Foundation Journal of the Social Sciences 9(2), 55-74.

  19. Walton, E. C. (2018). Asian Americans in Small-Town America. Contexts, 17(4), 18-23.

  20. Lung-Amam, W. Trespassers?: Asian Americans and the Battle for Suburbia. UC Press, 2017

  21. Ibid

  22. Ibid

  23. Lung-Amam, W. (2015). Malls of meaning: Building Asian America in Silicon Valley suburbia. Journal of American Ethnic History, 34(2), 18–53. 

  24. Harris, K. M., & Chen, P. (2023). The acculturation gap of parent–child relationships in immigrant families: A national study. Family Relations, 72(4), 1748–1772.

  25. Luek, ., & Wilson, M. (2010). Acculturative stress in Asian immigrants: The impact of social and linguistic factors. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 34(1), 47–57.

  26. Kim, S. Y., Zhang, M., Hou, Y., & Shen, Y. (2020). Acculturation, parent-child relationships, and mental health of adolescents in Chinese and Mexican immigrant families. In G. C. N. Hall (Ed.), Mental and Behavioral Health of Immigrants in the United States, 25–44. 

  27. Nawyn, S. J., Gjokaj, L., Agbényiga, D. L., & Grace, B. (2012). Linguistic Isolation, social capital, and immigrant belonging. Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, 41(3), 255–282

  28. Lung-Amam, W. Trespassers?: Asian Americans and the Battle for Suburbia. UC Press, 2017

  29. Ibid

  30. Ibid

Media Credits

*** indicates media object

  1. Artist Unknown via https://www.polyvinylrecords.com/product/crying_in_h_mart

  2. Artist Unknown via https://radicalreads.com/michelle-zauner-favorite-books/

  3. Art by Ella Lambio via https://lifestyle.inquirer.net/468892/how-michelle-zauners-crying-in-h-mart-helped-me-learn-to-embrace-grief/

  4. Photo Courtesy of Michelle Zauner via https://www.sporkful.com/how-crying-in-h-mart-helped-michelle-zauner-grieve-her-mother/

  5. Photos Courtesy of Andrew Kung via https://www.cnn.com/style/article/andrew-kung-perpetual-foreigner-hyphenated/index.html **

  6. Comedy Central Stand-Up. When People Ask Where You’re “Really” From - Hari Kondabolu [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hpc0FtS5y0k ***

  7. Axios Today. Why Asian Americans say they don't feel they belong. [Podcast]. Niala Boodhoo, Alexandra Botti, Lydia McMullen-Laird, Robin Linn, Fonda Mwang, Ben O'Brien, and Evan Viola via https://www.axios.com/2023/05/03/asian-americans-belonging ***

  8. Artist Unknown via https://www.pewresearch.org/race-ethnicity/2022/08/02/what-it-means-to-be-asian-in-america/

  9. Willamette Week. Distant Voices with Japanese [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvcHZqvQdTw ***

  10. Photo by of Airbnb via https://www.airbnb.com/eugene-or/stays

  11. Photo by Eater via ​​https://sf.eater.com/2021/4/20/22394231/guide-to-shopping-h-mart-san-francisco

  12. Photo by Tracy Nguyen for NBC News via https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/asian-malls-us-are-thriving-post-pandemic-bucking-retail-trend-rcna96276

  13. Photo by Twin Cities Business via https://tcbmag.com/the-asia-mall-takes-root-in-eden-prairie/

  14. The Daily Show. Michelle Zauner - Paying Homage to Her Korean Heritage & Processing Her Mom’s Death | The Daily Show [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20eRJG8FLq8&t=378s***

  15. Hungry History by Adjoga. How a Korean Farmer Built America's Largest Asian Grocery  [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrKLVYK5rW0&t=98s

  16. Artist Unknown via https://www.maaa.org/happy-asian-american-pacific-heritage-month/

  17. Photo Courtesy of Michelle Zauner via https://www.washingtonpost.com/podcasts/post-reports/crying-in-h-mart-with-michelle-zauner/

  18. Photo Courtesy of Michelle Zauner via https://www.kcrw.com/culture/shows/good-food/best-of-2021-barbecue-mother-grains-perspiration/michelle-zauner-crying-in-h-mart

  19. H Mart. H Mart x Michelle Zauner Collab / Book Interview with Author of Crying in H Mart! [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDQmP8-QKWY&t=122s ***

  20. Photo Courtesy of Michelle Zauner via https://www.glamour.com/story/real-life-love-loss-and-kimchi